Well, here we are. It has only been a couple of days since results day and, in this moment, I feel better than I have in a long, long time. I'm sleeping well. I feel like I can breathe again. I'm happy. I feel like my old self again. Of course I pulled the short end of the stick in all of this and it would be easier to not have this gene, but, in a way, I feel like my life now has a sense of purpose that it was lacking before. I think it's very easy to go about life in your twenties feeling invincible and self-obsessed. Now, I won't sweat the small stuff. Huntington's Disease has put a lot in perspective.
The phone calls to friends and family have been positive. Each time I talk about it, I feel more confident that there has to be a cure by the time of my onset.
The hardest conversation to have was the one with my brother. I think my results jolted him more than they did me. He has to be feeling the same paralyzingly fear that I felt before I knew. Even though my results have nothing to do with his chances of inheriting the gene, part of me has to believe that maybe I took one for the team and he is safe. I have a million and a half reasons in my head explaining why my brother has to be negative -- none of which are scientifically sound. But it helps me to think that there's hope. I hope with everything I have that he is safe.
Otherwise, I decided to take a few weeks off work. Yes, I could have probably gone back to work and pretended like nothing happened, but I think it's hugely important to force myself to take time to let this all sink in.
S and I are going away for the long weekend. We are staying at the same resort we went to the weekend we got engaged two years ago. We have no plans except to lay out by the pool and get massages and eat good food. He deserves a weekend away. He has been incredible throughout all of this so far. I am so so lucky.
That's all for now. To anyone reading, please know that life does go on. I am happy.