I know that a week ago I was preoccupied, but now that tomorrow is staring me in right the face, I'm terrified. Petrified. I'm so impossibly scared. It's that sick feeling in your gut that doesn't seem to go away. I'm exhausted. I have a headache. I can't wait to sleep just so I won't have to think about it. I know that I'm making the best decision for me, but the idea that tomorrow my life takes one of two forks is the scariest thing I've ever faced.
Either way, I know life will move forward. Either way, my family can only benefit from me knowing. And, either way,
I won't I can't take a single day for granted. I think the ultimate goal for anyone is to live happily into their eighties or nineties and pass in their sleep without feeling any pain. I can't express how badly I want that in this moment.
I saw a therapist earlier this week. She asked me if I had a gut feeling of which way my results would go. Although this faulty gene has or has not been living inside me my entire life, I have no idea which way it will go. Even though I know I'll be sitting in that room tomorrow hearing the news, I can't imagine what the doctors will say. It seems blurry. Honestly, it seems unreal.
Tomorrow it will be real. Tomorrow I will know if I will one day develop Huntington's Disease.